does my abuser miss me
Search Leave this site safely You can quickly leave this website by clicking on the "X" at the top right or by pressing the Escape key twice. To browse this site safely, make sure you regularly delete your browser history. Security AlertThe use of the Internet can be monitored and it is impossible to delete completely. If you are worried about your Internet usage you can be monitored, call us at 800.799. SAFE (7233). and remember to delete your browser history after visiting this website. Click the "X" button red on the top right corner or "Escape" on the keyboard twice at any time to leave TheHotline. org immediately. Why do I love my abuser?" We heard from many people who are in abusive relationships, and even those who have left relationships, but they say they love their abusive couple. They ask, "Why do I love someone who has hurt me so much?" It may feel strange, confusing and even bad to love someone who has chosen to be abusive. While these feelings can be hard to understand, they are not strange and are not wrong. Love is not something that just disappears during the night. It's a connection and an emotional attachment that you believe with someone else. Love comes with a lot of time, energy and trust. It's not easy to just let go of a life you've built with someone, whether they're abusive to you or not. If you are fighting with feelings of love for an abusive partner, it could be for several reasons: Abuse usually does not happen immediately in a relationship, and tends to scale with time as an abusive partner becomes more controlling. You can remember the beginning of the relationship when your partner was charming and reflective. You can see good qualities in your partner; they can be a great parent or contribute to your community. It's not shameful to love someone for whom they might be, or for the person who led you to believe they were. After the hurting or destructive behavior reaches a peak, there may be periods of "calm" in your relationship when your partner makes apologies and promises that the abuse will never happen again. For quieter periods, it may seem that your partner is back to being your "old me" – the wonderful person who were at the beginning of the relationship. You could feel that if you could do or say things "right", the person you fell in love with would stay and the abuse would end. But there's nothing you can do or say to prevent abuse, because abuse is not your fault. It has nothing to do with you and everything that has to do with the decisions your partner makes. Those calm periods are often a tactic that an abusive partner uses to confuse and control even more your partner. Abusive partners are complex human beings, like all others. They may be dealing with their own traumas, past or present. Like your partner, you care about them, and maybe you expected you to help or "fix" them. But if you are dealing with a , or abusive childhood, there is no excuse for you to abuse your partner in the present. Abuse is always an option and is never right. The truth is that, even though you love your partner, it's up to them to get help to address their own trauma and abusive behavior. For many victims, feelings of love for an abusive partner can also be a survival technique. It is very difficult for a non-abuse person to understand how someone they love, and who claims to love them, can harm or mistreat them. To cope, they separate from their pain or terror subconsciously beginning to see things from the abusive companion's perspective. This process can be intensified when an abusive partner uses techniques to control or manipulate your partner. The victim, and certain aspects of the victim's own personality and perspective, fade over time. By doing this, the victim learns to "appease" the abusive partner, who can temporarily keep them out of harm. The need to survive can be aggravated if a victim depends on his or her financial, physical or otherwise abusive partner. You might want to believe your partner when they say things will change and improve because you love them, and they say they love you. It's okay to feel that love and want to believe your partner. But it is important to consider and that what your partner is giving you is not really love. Love is a sure, compassionate, confident and respectful thing. Abuse is none of these things; it is. It is possible to love someone and, at the same time, realize that they are not a safe or healthy person to be close. You deserve to be safe, respected and truly loved at all times. The answers should not be difficult to find. We're here to help! Should I forgive my abuser?How can I talk to my abuser?Contact us National Domestic Violence Hotline This project was supported by Grant Number 90EV0459 of the Directorate for Children, Youth and Family, the Office for Family and Youth Services of the United States Department of Health and Human Services. The views, conclusions, conclusions and recommendations expressed in this publication are those of the author or the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Directorate for Children, Youth and Family, the Office for Family and Youth Services, the United States Department of Health and Human Services. Exemption of the federal income tax under article 501(c) (3) of the Internal Revenue Code. This website is funded through Grant 2020-V3-GX-0135 of the Office of Crime Victims, Programs of the Office of Justice, Department of Justice of the United States. Neither the United States Department of Justice nor its components operate, control, are responsible or necessarily support this website (including, without limitation, its content, technical and political infrastructure, and any service or tools provided.
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